God damn it.

The title pretty much sums up my emotional reactions to the current load of crap being dumped on me this morning, it's not a surprise though - Good luck and happy, warm, fuzzy feelings only last for roughly 2 seconds before the world is back to crapping on you like you're a statue in the middle of a pigeon filled park. At this point, I bet your wondering what's got my panties in a bunch, right? Identity theft and the fact it just rofl stomped me out of no where, that's what.

Okay, okay. It isn't exactly as dramatic as it sound, but it's still annoying and completely disrespectful. I feel violated by the woman who birthed me. Yes, that's right, my own mother has stolen my identity for a cell phone - one she decided to not pay. I bet you're thinking, "Well at least she had the decency to tell you about it after the fact and not let you just get your credit check and find a pretty little black listed blemish on it, that would have been even worse!"
But, oh, how you're so wrong. Because the latter is most definitely what unfolded this morning.

Yes, this is my actual Mom. Sorry Mom, but this was a be-otch devil move.

763 fat dollar bills. That's what a collection agency and my vampire-esk mother plan to suck out of my savings account. Upon hearing the amount I'm having to pay for this cheap emotionless hooker, I had quite an array of questions...

• How does one achieve a phone bill that is behind $536 dollars with it get cut off?
• Why isn't my mother paying for this scum sucking road horse of a bill?
• What compelled¹ you to fuck up your daughter's credit?
• What about my iPhone 4S? Humph.
• Why do I have to be the responsible one out of this redneck trash of a family?
• How the fuck did I come from you? Good Lord!

I'm sure the list could go on of all the random questions scurrying around in my head. But that isn't the point of this post. The point is - I am out a whopping 768 dollars and a startling 8 pennies. All because of this hookerbot posted above.

God damn it woman, get a job and offer to pay for your own damn bills and stop buying 72' HDTV's. This "Woo is Me" shit is old. Do you see this? It's the smallest violin in the world, playing the saddest song for you. Need me to play it again? Because I will.

Moral of this post: Some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

¹I've been watching too much Vampire Diaries, but that's a story for a different day.